By M M Tooting:
What are you guys up to? Remember when we used to have this website? We wrote so much! I wish we were together always. What am I up to? I am working a lot, editing and publishing wonderful writers at Catapult. I taught a writing workshop for Kundiman this summer, and will soon suit up for the Asian American Lit Festival.
I keep forgetting to do anything else, like eat regular meals or, just occasionally, ask my children how they are doing.
The Mountain Coaster was not actually hand-cranked, was it?? How are you both??
My professional and personal goals are one and the same, which is to sort-of-always be in the same room with both of you, companionably on our phones, in a sort of Mild Internet Coma, for the rest of eternity, periodically waiting our turns to read something out loud to one another.
This is mostly why we invented the Toast. Do you capitalize the The in The Toast? I go back and forth. It was hand cranked in the sense that we controlled our own speed!
Okay, remember, YOU controlled your own speed. I think my speed controls were broken. There were two speeds in my cart: Nicole is outside in the backyard picking up after her dog and she is eight months pregnant and it is hilarious. The only people I would laugh at for spilling coffee on themselves are my immediate family and Nicole, end of list.
I have enjoyed our time together so immensely that knowing you are departing on the morrow is not yet something I can process or acknowledge. Which I like doing a LOT, by the way.
I miss The Toast often. I really miss you both so much, which is weird because I saw you last week and we still talk and leave goofy comments for one another on Instagram, and if anything I talk with you more about our real lives than I did when I sent you dozens of work-related emails every day.
BTW, thank you so much for allowing me to guilt you into resuming your Instagram posts, Nicole! It is a daily joy to see you both there.
I miss The Toast community, too. Not to lead us deep into the ongoing wretchedness, but I think I missed the site most in the weeks after the election they felt less like weeks, honestly, and more like one long, unbearable day.
But the next day, and for days after as I was calling and texting and reaching out to friends, I thought a lot about the readers, collectively as well as individuals — how much I really wanted to talk to them and find out how people were doing.
I miss you both too! I miss both you in a way that is hard to describe and is unlike how I have ever missed anyone else. I miss Nicole right now, and I am sitting across the room from her. Nicole and I will always be doing the same things at the same times, probably.
Every time I go to visit her I attempt very consciously to pick up more of her mannerisms and vocal tics. I find everything she does and says enormously charming and feel about her new stock sayings or turns of phrases the way that heroines in Edwardian fiction feel about the latest Paris fashion.
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